funny games people play witih their pets!

[Rev9Volts]

Flaming Gerbil



Flaming projectile gerbil--Actual article from the LA Times



"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only

trying to retrieve the Gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors

in

the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his

homosexual partner Andrew (Kiki) Farnom, had been admitted for

emergency

treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed

a

cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in." he

explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd

had

enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I

peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking that the light might

attract him."



At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what

happened

next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot

out

of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his

face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn

ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the

rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns

and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnom suffered

first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.



TOP 11 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY



11. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum." - Good start.



10. "As usual,Kiki shouted out "Armageddon" - They do this frequently?

(Or, at least they have done this more than once).



9. "So I peered into the tube." - I'm sorry, but that's like looking

through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare

at the

sun.



8. The poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being

shot

out of the gay guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.



7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of

someone's

anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was

springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's tunnel of

love.



6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in

their

rectums.



5. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those

Mormons?

I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.



4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the

burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How

does

one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the

smell of

a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the

face

of God's green earth.



3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for:

"Idiotic

men who shove rodents up their butts."



2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?



1. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing

when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have

made

up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends

breaking

into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I

admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine

looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see

we

have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube...