SARS vs SLOPS

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The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against non-essential

travel to the entire Western hemisphere following renewed concerns about the

spread of Severe Loss of Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS). Officials are warning

travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all of Western Europe, and

Canada, following further outbreaks of the disease, which has led to mass panic

among the media, thousands of ecstatic children being kept out of school by

their credulous and moronic parents, and increased profits for DIY stores as the

idiot public rush to bulk-buy face masks and boiler suits.



A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better off going to somewhere like Thailand

or China, because all you've got to worry about there is SARS, and let's face

it, you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get kicked to death by

a gang of zombie nuns."



The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months, which

makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only kills around

3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly effects only darkies what

speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a bit iffy

for a couple of days, and is therefore considered much more serious.



The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with many high-level

politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread of SLOPS has

been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for Western leaders to

give the public something to worry about. Otherwise, they might start asking

uncomfortable questions about domestic issues, and that simply would not do.

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