Astronomers Discover Key to Universe Missing

[bbchris]

PALO ALTO: Astronomers at the university of Berkeley, Palo Alto Research facilities reluctantly admitted that the key to the universe is missing. Resident Head of studies, Benjamin Franklin Boscott, made the announcement at a press conference last Tuesday.

"As much as we hate to admit it, we have to finally face up to the fact that we are unable to locate the key to the universe, and after an exhaustive search, are ready to turn to the public for help", Boscott stated in his opening comment. "Perhaps the most frustrating part is that no one remembers having seen it last, so we really don't know where to go from here."

"Whoever, or whatever, is holding the key to the universe may not even realize they have it," said Boscott, "and, therefore, it may be impossible to locate.

We're asking everyone, even if you are sure you weren't the last to use it, check your pockets, under the sofa cushions and in the lint trap of your dryer, to be certain you haven't mislaid it or forgotten you are holding the key to the universe.

In the past, scientists admit, other keys have been missing, but nothing of this magnitude.

Astronomers from around the world have joined in on the search, but have been unsuccessful as well. Sweden's Sven Svenson remarked that it was as if the key had simply vanished into thin air. "Ve looked evereevhere, but, nada, nut-ting, poop. Ve even pulled zee fridge avay from zee vall, but, zingo, nutting vas dare eidder, egzept a little fuzzeeball, und zome tumtacks und maybe a cookie crumb or zumting like dat, but no, no keyz vas dare.”

Svenson expects that the search will continue, well into the next millineum.

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