sex and stuff

[Jorn Lavoll]

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,

natural, wholesome things

that money can buy."



Tom Clancy





"You know "that look" women get when they want sex?

Me neither."



Steve Martin





"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have

a good partner, you'd

better have a good hand."



Woody Allen





"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a

date on Saturday night."





Rodney Dangerfield





"There are a number of mechanical devices which

increase sexual arousal,

particularly in women. Chief among these is the

Mercedes-Benz 380SL."



Lynn Lavner





"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your

dog vacation at the

taxidermist."



Matt Barry







"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a

rope."



Camille Paglia





"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation.

The other eight are

unimportant."



George Burns





"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can

fake whole relationships."



Sharon Stone







"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter

what she's reading."



Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)







"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a

son-of-a-bitch."



Jack Nicholson







"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or

where he lives, but he

never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."



Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't

think Barbara had a sense

of humor)







"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip

out a man's genitals

through his wallet."



Robin Williams







"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I

think of it as the only

time of the month that I can be myself."



Roseanne







"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a

place."



Billy Crystal







"According to a new survey, women say they feel more

comfortable undressing

in front of men than they do undressing in front of

other women. They say

that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men

are just grateful."



Robert De Niro







"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting

that many men are

having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say

they cause severe

swelling. So what's the problem?"



Dustin Hoffman







"There's very little advice in men's magazines,

because men think "I know

what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."



Jerry Seinfeld







"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find

a woman I don't like

and just give her a house."



Rod Stewart









"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a

penis, and only

enough blood to run one at a time."



Robin Williams

[Seismic Anamoly]

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip

out a man's genitals through his wallet."







Truer words have never been written....