Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: What's the definition of a minor second interval?
A: Two Soprano Sax players reading off the same part.
Q: What's the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: You can tune a chainsaw.
Q: What will you never say about a sax player?
A: "That's the sax player's Porsche."
Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
A: Hand them charts a half-step apart.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A vocalist.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.
Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.
Q: How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None. They hold the bulb over their head and the world revolves around them.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None, they have machines for that now.
Q: What's the last thing a drummer says before he gets kicked out of a band?
A: "When do we get to play MY songs?"
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