RULES FOR WOMEN...(Written by Men...)

droolymutt

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

3. Saturday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Don't cut your hair ever. Long hair is always more attractive than cute short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair.

5. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

6. Crying is blackmail.

7. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints Do Not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

8. We don't remember dates. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

9. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

10. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

11. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

12. Check your oil: Please!

13. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you alredy know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

17. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

18. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

19. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like the Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.

20. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

21. We are not mind readers and never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

22. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

23. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to - expect an answer you don't want to hear.

24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!

25. Don't ask us what we're thinking abut unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, fishing, or monster trucks.

26. You have enough clothes.

27. You have too many shoes.

28. NO! No, you really do have too many shoes.

29. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. And no, it doesn't matter which quiz.

30. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

31. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping.

ILR · Joined: 25 Oct 2002 Posts: 813

...BUT IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN BECAUSE

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxi's stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.

:boink

ILR · Joined: 25 Oct 2002 Posts: 813

More things about women....

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up for injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without new shoes so their children can have them.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all SIZES, in all colors and shapes.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth.

They bring joy and hope.

They give compassion and ideals.

They give moral support to their family and friends.

Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.

:boink