Exercises to prepare yourself for a hospital experience.

DreamTone7 · Joined: 20 Sep 2002 Posts: 2571

I can identify with numbers 1 and 4. I had a large kidney stone a few months back that required a stint be put in and later removed. I was knocked out when they put it in, but was wide awake when they took it out. The tool they used was not small.

bbchris

1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe youwith his applicator.

2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat.

3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose.

4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort."

5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to

seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (squarehead) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.

6. Remove all actual food from the house.

7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat

tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.

8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.

:wgrin

ED1G · PIGGY MOONRUST Joined: 31 Oct 2002 Posts: 2644

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Seismic Anamoly · Joined: 22 Aug 2002 Posts: 3039

3 and 5 pretty much sum it up I think!!

:lol

axella · Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Posts: 148

Yup, I (and anyone else who's ever had a baby), can definitely relate, especially to #1 and #3!

DreamTone7 · Joined: 20 Sep 2002 Posts: 2571

I'll see your baby and raise you a kidney stone...but don't ask me to do it too often...

SINTZ · Penguin in Bondage Joined: 02 Sep 2002 Posts: 388

Learn 100 creative ways to prepare jello to look appetizing.

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
"

~ Hunter S. Thompson

axella · Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Posts: 148

Jello??? I forgot about that stuff! Ugh!

What's that stuff they serve for breakfast? Farina, I think? And they make it with water, so i'ts really runny and tasteless. Same for the oatmeal.

I think hospitals can learn a bit about cuisine from airlines, because even airplane food beats it! And that's bad!

Steve Iannetti · GweiLo Joined: 24 Jan 2002 Posts: 697

That pretty much describes my hospital experience.

:party